+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: The Problem with " RELATIONSHIPS"

  1. #1

    Default The Problem with " RELATIONSHIPS"

    The problem with relationships This is my thoughts ... A chance meeting...Eye connection from across a room...Physical attraction.. Chemistry on line. Having so much in common...the list goes on and on. People are suppose to flourish into a relationship... Instead people try to force one. Think of any good relationship you have in your life. Be it a best girlfriend or your closest boy. Many ups and downs ..trials and tribulations ..times cutting them off completely. Then something pulls u back to them. Your best friends after all, so somehow u can forgive... maybe because you know you are also not perfect and need forgiveness at times yourself. And the good times usually out weigh the bad. Also with friends neither of you are trying to please the other so much that u forget who is important ......You!!... Friends speak their mind at all costs, They tell you about yourself and u can accept the truth of it easier. In opposite sex relationships the interactions are slightly different. A friend can tell her best girlfriend her hair looks like shyt and the best friend in turn will check herself in the mirror insisting the friend point out the flaws. Let a man tell a girl hes dating her hair looks like shyt. She will 9 times out of 10 get very offended by this. Maybe cry. Maybe go silent and think to herself, " i cant believe he said that to me!"
    To sum it all up ..the problem with relationships through my perspective is people plan to be in a relationship. They want it so bad they are willing to be something different. They over analyze themselves. They think how can i make myself more lovable to someone, They tag it as a relationship and force it to become what they desire. Instead of forcing yourself on to someone try getting to know them. Take your time. Enjoy one another . hate one another ...tell one another exactly how you feel. Stop playing head games. Stop trying to read the other ones mind. Let whatever is going to occur, occur naturally. Let your coming together flourish into whatever it shall be and stop tagging it and analyzing it. Whatever will be will be!

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Pope Bitterz D'Alomo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Asamankese,Japan
    Posts
    7,539

    Default

    Well said Chanty. I couldn't agree with you more. Love,honesty,loyalty and trust was the bedrock of relationships way back when... Today,people strike relationships for reasons alien to the norm.

    Where did it all go wrong ? Let's get back to how it was before.
    Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. ~Aesop

    Ignorance can be educated,drunkenness sobered,craziness medicated but there is no cure for STUPIDITY


  3. #3

    Default you said it all ,lol

    Meeting new people is a great feeling. It's even better when a relationship can come out of it. But how that relationship matures is key.

    I like to get to know a person right away and then maintain the relationship. Others like to take it slow and let it build up into something more serious. I think by getting to know someone right away, there's a mutual understanding of where we stand and what we want.

    Building up is great but it might take too much time in between to know a person, and often times a possible relationship might just die. I’ve heard women say, "I'm not sure if this guy likes me", or "I'm not sure where I stand in the relationship". I try to avoid that.

    The sooner we get to know each other, the sooner she knows where I stand, so that's less confusion in the relationship.

    Sometimes it may throw off the other person, because she might want to take it slow, but by figuring each other out earlier, we can compromise. You understand what she wants; she understands what you want, and we both meet in the middle.

    l
    Last edited by sacristo; 11th September 2010 at 05:54 PM.

  4. #4
    Moderator syc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    808

    Default

    Interesting perspective. First, i must say i agree with you...to some extent.
    Que Sera eh? Relationships i believe are bound to happen. We are after all human and only respond to an innate sense to interact and socialise. But for any relationship whatever the form it may take, you ve to work at it. Every1 has an idea about who they wld like to be with. Admit it or not, this is what guides u, knowingly or not. That smile across the room, that wink as they got up to leave, it serves as a basis of what u built up in ya mind, so u r attracted to it. Even if by some weird comic permutations u chance upon a relationship, the only way the relationship will ever be anythg meaninful is if u work at it, unless its a casual thing. Love, honesty, trust, understanding, these are all things u build, u work at it to build it.
    No matter how long u've know some1, once u truly love them, their opinion means a lot to u, and you aim to impress. U can only truly change if u love some1. This is sacrifice, that you are willing to change for that some1. This is the foundation of love. . It aint a joke when its said that u cant change a man unless he's in diapers - or a woman for that matter.
    So yesss, i believe a relationship should run its course, but i think you shd knw that course. U dont live forever - n even if u did, u only meet that person once.
    Last edited by syc; 11th September 2010 at 07:51 PM.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator Pope Bitterz D'Alomo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Asamankese,Japan
    Posts
    7,539

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by syc View Post
    U can only truly change if u love some1. This is sacrifice, that you are willing to change for that some1. This is the foundation of love. . It aint a joke when its said that u cant change a man unless he's in diapers - or a woman for that matter.
    So yesss, i believe a relationship should run its course, but i think you shd knw that course. U dont live forever - n even if u did, u only meet that person once.
    Changing because you love someone,Why so ? that is one problem right there.Most will like to impress by "changing" for whomever they love but trust me,what they are actually doing is not change but rather suppressing whatever behavior they may be "changing",which later on in the relationship can not be suppressed forever will lead to friction,animosity and later separation.

    I have a quote which states " If i kill all my demons for your sake, some of my angels will die too". So instead of me changing for you, I'd rather we both work in concert in arriving at an acceptable point favorable to both of us.
    Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. ~Aesop

    Ignorance can be educated,drunkenness sobered,craziness medicated but there is no cure for STUPIDITY


  6. #6
    Moderator syc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    808

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pope Bitterz D'Alomo View Post
    So instead of me changing for you, I'd rather we both work in concert in arriving at an acceptable point favorable to both of us.

    Well that is change. It shows that u r willingly, to at least make some sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. You dont really need to kill any demons.... just maybe muscle them up enuf to keep them in the intensive care unit

  7. #7
    Super Moderator Pope Bitterz D'Alomo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Asamankese,Japan
    Posts
    7,539

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by syc View Post
    Well that is change. It shows that u r willingly, to at least make some sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. You dont really need to kill any demons.... just maybe muscle them up enuf to keep them in the intensive care unit
    If change is something different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone,then having to meet someone half way is no change at all. You can not teach an old dog new tricks nor would a dog turn into a vegetarian..... u catch ma drift.
    Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. ~Aesop

    Ignorance can be educated,drunkenness sobered,craziness medicated but there is no cure for STUPIDITY


  8. #8
    Moderator syc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    808

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pope Bitterz D'Alomo View Post
    If change is something different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone,then having to meet someone half way is no change at all. You can not teach an old dog new tricks nor would a dog turn into a vegetarian..... u catch ma drift.
    Vegetarian dog...... love to see that one. But thats a very hard line to tow.
    If change is different from what otherwise would have been, then half a loaf is better than no bread. The idea here is not to loose yourself or your identity. If that was the case, then the relationship is not worth it and picking a tramp of the street would seem a more excellent prospect.
    Now how far you are willing to go for the relationship, is something each person must decide for themself.

  9. #9
    Bipolar Neo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    5,583

    Default

    I believe relationship is all about compromise. Sometimes, we subconsciously suppress our demons just to please the other and help foster a warm and abiding relationship. I agree with you Pope, that that is not a good thing because it is just a matter of time before they bounce back and threaten the relationship. But, these things are inevitable, especially for people who are head over heels in love and throw rationality out of the window. How best we can tame but at the same time maintain our dignity and who we are in the process would be the right balance i suppose.

  10. #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Enchantress View Post
    The problem with relationships This is my thoughts ... A chance meeting...Eye connection from across a room...Physical attraction.. Chemistry on line. Having so much in common...the list goes on and on. People are suppose to flourish into a relationship... Instead people try to force one. .................

    Take your time. Enjoy one another . hate one another ...tell one another exactly how you feel. Stop playing head games. Stop trying to read the other ones mind. Let whatever is going to occur, occur naturally. Let your coming together flourish into whatever it shall be and stop tagging it and analyzing it. Whatever will be will be!
    Nice post Sis.....I couldn't have said it better. Forcing things to conform to the ways you want them to be has never helped no one and I dont think its going to.

  11. #11
    Bipolar Neo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    5,583

    Default

    Never ending saga!

  12. #12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Neo View Post
    Never ending saga!
    Aint that the truth, what happened to a simple am sorry when one wrong the other? Holding grudges that never ends until he/she feels like they are ready to let go. You couldn't've put it anyway better sis.

  13. #13

    Default

    we are currently going through a book on Gweb religion forum called Conversations with God and we are currently on relationships right now .......

    here is a quote of some of what it has to say on relationships and the human difficulties with relationships ..........


    ... When human love relationships fail (relationships never truly fail, except in the strictly human sense that they did not produce what you want), they fail because they were entered into for the wrong reason.
    (“Wrong,” of course, is a relative term, meaning something measured against that which is “right”—whatever that is! It would be more accurate in your language to say “relationships fail—change—most often when they are entered into for reasons not wholly beneficial or conducive to their survival.”)


    Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.
    The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.
    There can be only one purpose for relationships—and for all of life: to be and to decide Who You Really Are.


    It is very romantic to say that you were “nothing” until that special other came along, but it is not true. Worse, it puts an incredible pressure on the other to be all sorts of things he or she is not.
    Not wanting to “let you down,” they try very hard to be and do these things until they cannot anymore. They can no longer complete your picture of them. They can no longer fill the roles to which they have been assigned. Resentment builds. Anger follows.


    Finally, in order to save themselves (and the relationship), these special others begin to reclaim their real selves, acting more in accordance with Who They Really Are. It is about this time that you say they’ve “really changed.” It is very romantic to say that now that your special other has entered your life, you feel complete. Yet the purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.


    Here is the paradox of all human relationships: You have no need for a particular other in order for you to experience, fully, Who You Are, and. . .without another, you are nothing.
    This is both the mystery and the wonder, the frustration and the joy of the human experience. It requires deep understanding and total willingness to live within this paradox in a way which makes sense. I observe that very few people do.


    Most of you enter your relationship-forming years ripe with anticipation, full of sexual energy, a wide-open heart, and a joyful, if eager, soul.
    Somewhere between 40 and 60 (and for most it is sooner rather than later) you’ve given up on your grandest dream, set aside your highest hope, and settled for your lowest expectation-or nothing at all.


    The problem is so basic, so simple, and yet so tragically misunderstood: your grandest dream, your highest idea, and your fondest hope has had to do with your beloved other rather than your beloved Self. The test of your relationships has had to do with how well the other lived up to your ideas, and how well you saw yourself living up to his or hers. Yet the only true test has to do with how well you live up to yours.


    Relationships are sacred because they provide life’s grandest opportunity— indeed, its only opportunity—to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of Self. Relationships fail when you see them as life’s grandest opportunity to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of another.
    Let each person in relationship worry about Self—what Self is being, doing, and having; what Self is wanting, asking, giving; what Self is seeking, creating, experiencing, and all relationships would magnificently serve their purpose—and their participants!


    Let each person in relationship worry not about the other, but only, only, only about Self. This seems a strange teaching, for you have been told that in the highest form of relationship, one worries only about the other. Yet I tell you this: your focus upon the other—your obsession with the other—is what causes relationships to fail.
    What is the other being? What is the other doing?
    What is the other having? What is the other saying?
    Wanting? Demanding? What is the other thinking?
    Expecting? Planning?


    The Master understands that it doesn’t matter what the other is being, doing,having, saying, wanting, demanding. It doesn’t matter what the other is thinking, expecting, planning. It only matters what you are being in relationship to that.
    The most loving person is the person who is Self-centered.
    just to share it here and let those here do whatever they want to do with it.....

    contemplate it, ponder it, discard it, watever
    Last edited by Quophi Aletse; 18th November 2010 at 09:31 PM.
    statistics are what other people have chosen to make real.

+ Reply to Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •