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Thread: Jokes (add yours)

  1. #226
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    A couple decided to call each other pet names and the wife said, "I'll be calling you TIGER". "Why?" he asked. "Cos u're handsome, tall, charming, strong, calculating, smart & very good in BEDmatics".

    She then asked him, "What will u be calling me?" He said, "Zebra". The lady still smiling seductively, "Wow, that's lovely & sweet. Why did you choose such a lovely name?" "Because of your STRETCH MARKS.
    AJ

  2. #227
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    Teacher: Our topic for today is question tag...

    Example 1: You have a bag, haven't you?

    Example 2: He can't come, can he?

    Now Who can make a sentence using question tag?

    Chidi: we go chop yam today, chopn't we?

    Teacher: what?? This is terrible! Who can correct that sentence??

    Johnny: Aunty no mind dat yamhead! we go chop yam today, yamn't it??
    AJ

  3. #228
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    An Igbo lady sat together with two white guys @ Golden Tulip bar in Lagos waiting to be served.

    The barman came over to take their orders. As everyone can tell... western wines and beverages are mostly named after their founders.

    The British guy made his order; “Johnny Walker, single”.

    The American guy said “Jack Daniels, single”.

    The barman finally turned to the Igbo lady and asked....and you madam?
    The lady replied “Ngozi Okafor, married"
    AJ

  4. #229
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    An Edo man invited his friends for his mother's burial, after lowering the coffin, they put yam, rice, meat etc, into the grave.

    An Hausa man asked why? The Edo man smiled & said, "According to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get". The Hausa man dropped N100,000 inside and said, "When the food finish, buy more".

    A Yoruba man also dropped N50,000 and said, add this in case it is not enough.

    An Igbo man who was present at that time smiled, brought out his cheque book and wrote a cheque of N200,000. He dropped it in the coffin and took the N150,000 notes as change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o...it is going to be a dangerous journey, we don’t know how many robbers are out there and no one will be there to save you so just manage the check"

    Igbo kwenu!
    AJ

  5. #230
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    WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!……THIS ARTICLE COULD BE HARMFUL TO YOUR ENGLISH LANGUAGE. IT CONTAINS STRONG AND PARDONABLE ABUSE OF THE QUEEN’S LANGUAGE.

    The greatest discovery for this life inside be the discovery of SELF. Until say you go discover the reason and the purpose why you dey live, you just dey EXIST. As I be kiddi na dem dey talk some big big grammar be say “LIFE BEGINS AT 40” but me I never gree plus this grammar sake of e no be true. Life dey begin when you know the reason why you dey live. When u discover your purpose for this earth top, dat be when life dey begin. When you fit get the correct answer give this question; WHO AM I?, that be when you begin dey live meaningful, purposeful life wey go end you well.

    No product go fit determine how e want make dem use am, e be the user wey dey determine how e want use am. You be the product of your instincts. You be the finished product of yourself, designed for nice nice accomplishments, dem engineer you for success wey you get seed of greatness for your inside. If you live below the expectations of your dream dierrr then you live below your make up. Life wey make frustrated, wey no get meaning den purpose be like chasing after the wind, e obviously be cos 90 job. E check like actor wey dey stage top, he dey do plenty actions but all the things he dey do no be real.

    Life no long ooo my brother. Life be too short so make you never live life wey no get meaning. Until say you go discover your body den you dey live life wey no get meaning. E be sad waaa say over 6 billion people wey dey live for this world inside no, e be just like 4% p3 dem discover the reason y dem dey live wey dem dey work towards am. Dem be the people wey dey live real life.

    Make you think about this important question well well den give your body answer. I go bizz the question for correct grammar inside

    …WHO AM I?
    AJ

  6. #231
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    OMGGHANA's Information Technology (IT) department is working on a computerized keyboard slippers and it needs suggestion on which features to add.

    Current Features are easy to operate as u can just type

    ~ ‘Run’ when u want to move.

    ~ ‘Esc’ to escape in case of an armed robbery attack on the road.

    ~ When you visit an office/house and the gateman wouldn’t just let u enter. All u need is to hit the Enter key and you are in the building.

    ~ In case you are in a heavy traffic, don’t worry, just keep hitting the Delete button and each car before u will give way one after the other.

    Please suggest more features for a better Ghana…

    Name:  519243623_977928.jpg
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    AJ

  7. #232
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    In a singles convention a prayer point was raised" that singles should pray for their heart desires".

    A lady prayed,"oh lord I don't want to marry a short man. Any short man that is coming my way I bound him by holy ghost fire!

    And there's this short man standing next to her, praying: oh lord I'm a short man but I'm a billionaire.

    Immediately she heard the word 'billionaire', her prayer changed.

    She said "oh lord! is that your voice? Who am I to say no? I will marry the 'content' and ignore the 'container'.
    AJ

  8. #233
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    AJ

  9. #234
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    A woman who felt being cheated by her husband went to the pharmacy to buy DDT…

    The pharmacist felt the woman was going to commit suicide after giving the drug to her, so he questioned the woman about what she was going to use it for.

    But to his surprise the woman said: I am going to poison my husband.

    Pharmacist: Ei! why do you want to kill your own husband … don’t you know that it’s a crime and punishable by law?...

    The woman after several arguments with the pharmacist and having the feelings that the pharmacist could order for her arrest started crying, she brought out an envelope from her bag and dropped it on the pharmacy's counter.

    The pharmacist opened the envelope only to see pictures of his “holy wife” and his client’s husband naked in bed…

    The pharmacist shouted: “blood of Jesus!” ... You don't mean it... at least you should have told me you have a doctor’s prescription.
    AJ

  10. #235
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    A man was dying slowly of an unknown illness on his sick bed.

    His wife sat at the edge of his bed comforting him to take heart and that he may be well soon.

    The man looked up and said weakly, "Sweet love, you have always been there for me even when I sin against you... I have something I must confess", but his wife was quick to say that: "There's no need to confess".

    "No, no!" he insisted, "I want to die a peaceful death so I must confess... I slept with your mother, sister, and your best friend!"

    His wife replied: "Shhhh!!! I know, I know dearie, but please relax. Remember the doctor said you shouldn't talk too much...So now just rest and let the poison work in your system."
    AJ

  11. #236
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    18 Ghanaian Professors were called and asked to sit in a plane. When they all sat and the plane was about to take off, they were informed that the plane was made by one of their students.

    All of them ran out of the plane as fast as they could with exception of one. Onlookers asked why he was still sitting confidently in the plane and he said: “If it was made by my student, it won’t even start.

    Oh yawa paa…
    AJ

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