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Thread: This is driving me mad, with madness - Richard's Dilemma WARNING!!! Long post

  1. #1

    Default This is driving me mad, with madness - Richard's Dilemma WARNING!!! Long post

    OK so I've been working for this one company for over three years now. There is this one girl in management who I've always been attracted to and I'm really struggling to understand all these signals I've got from her over the years and just what her intentions might be.

    When I started, as far as I know, she was single and I was in a long term relationship. She was always anxious around me, which was obvious in her body language and she also seemed to smile uncontrollably when she saw me. She also use to go out of her way to do small favours for me and make sure everything was pretty much perfect for me at work. We did work on separate shifts so we didn't see each other that often. I ended up getting married and when she found out she completely stopped the little favours and other things she use to do. She never did anything incredibly drastic. It could even be taken as rewarding a good employee and thatís what I always told myself. But other co-workers noticed it as well and said she only did this stuff with me. I also paid close attention as to how she interacted with other people at work and I seemed to be the only person she was anxious around.

    Two years go by in which we rarely saw each other and when we did we both ignored each other and pretended the other didnít exist. During this time I was told she started dating someone, but I later find out she has been seeing him since they were 17 so I assume it has been an on again off again thing.

    One day a few months ago I received a phone call from her asking if I want to attend an educational class with a few other co-workers. I agreed to it not knowing she will even be attending which she does. During the entire class there was a lot of hardcore eye contact being made. At one point someone made a sexual joke and once again our eyes met and she had this look on her face that I'll never forget. Her face was tilted downwards but her eyes were looking right up towards me and she had this devilish smirk on her face. We all were sitting around a long table. I was on the opposite side of her, facing her but was not positioned directly across. There was a TV at one end as we had to watch educational videos. During the videos she would look over, and it happened on a frequent basis, every few minutes. What was so obvious about this was in order for her to look in my direction she had to turn her head away from the TV and do a 180 to actually see me. So it was pretty obvious. She wore a hoodie in 30+ degree weather and at one point when it was just me and her and two other people in the room she started complaining it was hot and took it off, leaned in such a way as to emphasize her chest and started fanning herself off with her undershirt. Again during this time I noticed her glancing my way. Another incident involved an exercise where we had to team up but we teamed up with other people. The exercise involved practicing first aid techniques on your partner and at one point she came over and insisted on wrapping my shoulder and arm in a bandage because she needed the practice. This came after she already practiced on her partner. At the end of the class she even offered me a ride home.

    I tried to watch and see if she was acting this way towards any of the other people attending the class but I was the only person she flashed her eyes towards on a consistent and frequent basis. She also did not offer anyone else a ride home aside from one girl she drove to the class and there were over a dozen off us, most without a vehicle. She also, aside from her original partner, did not feel the need to practice any first aid techniques on anyone else except me. How should I have interpreted all of this? I took it as a definite sign she was into me. But why would she do this while being in a relationship herself and knowing I am in one as well?

    Since then, and it has been several months now, I can't stop thinking about her and I've developed very strong feelings for her. Itís pretty much ended my marriage, but it certainly wasnít the cause as it had been shaky prior to this incident. I've tried communicating with her on a weekly basis trying to feel her out and get a sense of what she intended or how she feels but ultimately have got nowhere. It was like that one day she felt free to act and do whatever she wanted. I am certain she cares about me as she has on several occasions done things to spare my feelings as well as catered to my anxieties as I have revealed some of them to her. She is also aware of my separation and has repeatedly told me she hopes I can get through this and has inquired totally out of the blue as to how things are going. She has even gone out of her way to give me information on self-help, divorce and other relationship stuff. I'm pretty confident she does like me but I'm just confused about all her signals. Iíve dropped many obvious hints that Iím really into her and while she doesnít turn me away, she doesnít acknowledge them either and yet she continues to look out for my best interests at work.

    I asked for a transfer to a different site because this thing is driving me mad, costing me countless hours of sleep and has driven me to depression because of the way I feel about her. My request went ignored by her until I kept pushing the matter. It was odd because she has always been so prompt at responding to me and she even answered other questions I had about a completely different matter before I forced a response about transferring out. I forced a response out of her by telling her the reasons why I felt I had to leave, one of them being my feelings for her were out of control and I was worried about how they might impact her since she is in a relationship and I really just want her to be happy. I didnít say it exactly like that but it was incredibly obvious without stating the obvious. She is very intelligent so I donít see how she wouldnít understand what Iím saying. I received a very apologetic response but her excuse as to why it took her so long to respond was she forgot. She also ignored the parts where I obviously hinted at my feelings for her. But I did tell her she didn't have to respond if she didn't want to. Only a week went by so I find it hard to believe that she forgot about my questions concerning a transfer, especially when my other concerns were addressed by her instantly.

    After receiving a response from her about transferring I went ahead with the application to transfer but have heard nothing from her since. I even said if it was easier she could relay any messages or answers to my questions through other people in management if Iíve made her feel uncomfortable but she has ignored this as well. I get the impression she doesnít want me to leave and that she really enjoys all the attention and compliments Iíve been showering her with ever since our class, but that she isnít willing to acknowledge any feelings for me or take anything to a new level. I donít even want to take anything to a new level at this point. I have a divorce to deal with. I guess I just want answers but I feel I canít just go up to her and ask because itís in the workplace and she is a superior of mine and she is in a relationship.

    I know nobody here knows exactly how she feels or what goes through her head but does anyone have any insight into any of this and how I might best deal with it from here on out. I swear Iím going bonkers because of it. But Iíd keep putting myself through it if I knew there was a chance of something more.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Pope Bitterz D'Alomo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010


    You wasted too much time. The woman was ripe for the picking,once she realized you were not paying attention she cooled off. Move on bro, you blew it.
    Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow. ~Aesop

    Ignorance can be educated,drunkenness sobered,craziness medicated but there is no cure for STUPIDITY

  3. #3


    Remember reading this a while, not sure why I never commented till now...hmmmm....SMH at this point in time...you said yourself she is in a relationship so why don't you concentrate and get your divorce out of the way and then you can have a "sane" mind to deal with her whims.

    I have a feeling this lady in question is now enjoying the kind of hold she thinks she has on you now.....she is really playing with you and your emotions now....You will be better off without her....waayyyy better off
    Last edited by CuTiEbABy; 2nd February 2011 at 05:56 PM.

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