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Thread: Advice Needed !

  1. #1
    BBoy T
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    Default Advice Needed !

    I seem to get into the same pattern in all my relationships. I get afraid of losing my partner; then we get into a big argument and break up in anger. Sometimes I even think I may have picked a fight just because I'm scared to keep the relationship going. Does this make any sense how do put a stop to this craziness ?

  2. #2
    Bipolar neoxiang's Avatar
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    Bro, it is all about compromise. You have to be prepared to make some sacrifices to make things work, so it mostly boils down to what you are prepared to bring to the table.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by BBoy T View Post
    I seem to get into the same pattern in all my relationships. I get afraid of losing my partner; then we get into a big argument and break up in anger. Sometimes I even think I may have picked a fight just because I'm scared to keep the relationship going. Does this make any sense how do put a stop to this craziness?
    Usually our pattern in relationships keeps repeating themselves based on what we want to get or what we perceive from our prospective partners. We seek to fulfill some kind of inner need be it attention, control, etc when going into these relationships but we fail to realize that we cannot change people like we change our clothing.

    You need to find and understand "YOU" first and the underlying factor that makes you afraid of losing a partner. To tap into the little bit of psychology I know, something may have happened to you as a child or when you were growing up that may have created that fear in you. It could be the lose of someone close to you, a friend, sibling, parent, etc or an incident that may have left this scar and is causing this issue. Finding that root cause will help a lot in you knowing how to resolve this issue.

    On the other hand is it just that you are afraid of commitment and so any relationship that looks and sounds to you like a "commitment" you get scared and shake things up for it to end. I guess it all boils down to you finding what you need, what is wrong with you, dealing with that first and then you can be able to deal with what ever is in your partner too.

  4. #4
    Moderator Q' lypse's Avatar
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    I agree with Cutie 100%. I was was going to say, dig up your childhood and you'll find the source. This is not an easy task. I had to do the same to rid myself of some psychological problems too. Possessiveness is one of my major problems due to not having my mother around when I was a boy. To me it was like I lost her for a long time, important years in a child's life. So whenever I am in a relationship, I kind of panic when I'm not hearing from my partner, maybe a few hours after I've sent her a text message with no reply. As if I'm losing her. But I had to do serious introspection to find the root cause of it all. And it goes many levels.

    The mind always do what is familiar to it. This is why its been in all your relationships because this is the only way it knows relationships. People wonder why an abused woman would always go back or always end up in abusive relationships? This is one major reason. Because abuse is the familiar, it is the only way she knows. Bro, you need a partner who can help you deal with this otherwise, you will be enslaved to it for a long long time.

    I am still working on myself
    When one loses the deep intimate relationship with nature, then temples, mosques and churches become important.
    .........Jiddu Krishnamurti

  5. #5
    BBoy T
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    Thanks guys.

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