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ajbabe
18th September 2011, 05:27 AM
1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.

2) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.

3) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization.

4) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero.

5) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.

6) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage.

7) The entire British population lives in London.

8) It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight; your enemies will attack you one at a time while the others dance around you menacingly.

9) In musicals everyone you meet in the street will know all the words to the songs and the steps to the dances.



Did I Read That Sign Right?

In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)






Working Man Blues

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so ...they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because ...it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that ...was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but ...I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just ...didn't have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I...couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found ...I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I...didn't have any patients.

ajbabe
18th September 2011, 05:32 AM
Working Man Blues pt. 2

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I ...just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I ...couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I ...tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool-maintenance company, but the work was ...just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I ...wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a fitness-center, but they said I ...wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking and I ...was discharged.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was ...no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it ...was always the same old grind.

ajbabe
19th September 2011, 05:56 PM
9 interesting Confusions :

-Can you cry underwater ?

-Do fishes ever get thirsty ?

-why don't birds fall of trees when they sleep?

-why is it called building when its already built ?

-When they say dogs foods new and improved, who tastes it ?

-Why does round pizza comes in square box?

-Why doesn't glue stick to its container ?

-If money does not grow on trees, why then do banks have branches?

ajbabe
19th September 2011, 06:00 PM
Jamaican Rastaman went to the hospital for treatment on his badly burnt ears and the doctor asked him: “How did you get your ears so badly burnt?”

PATIENT: I & I a iron mi shirt when one eddiat bwoy caal mi upon mi cell phone, and insteada me ansa the phone, me pick up de iron and ansa it.

DOCTOR: “OK. That explains one ear. But how do you explain the other ear?”
PATIENT: The bumbastic eediat caal me back..