View Full Version : To The Men... Why Canít We Just Be Friends?

31st August 2011, 08:38 AM
This is NOT a high and mighty feminine jeer at the advances men make towards women they fancy. On the contrary, men will never know how the Ďchaseí thrills us. Who doesnít love to be wooed, wined and dined? I mean every woman likes to feel as though the male roaming eye has fallen on her.

From exchanging numbers to the lunch dates to the late-night conversations; meeting up his friends, the whole ten yards and all is rousing because new budding love is always bliss and the attention is welcome. There is always that exhilarating feeling when you meet that potential life partner your friends will love to hear about. No point denying it.

Donít get me wrong, but I cannot help wondering whether it is presumptuous to think that men are that simple? That chasing a woman is all they are after? Itís always easy to assume that most men befriend women because they love the thrill of the pursuit. But what do men really want from women?

This may come off as an irrelevant question, but it has come to my notice that so many women are deprived of true, heartfelt friendship with their male counterparts. Why? Because gradually as he begins to appreciate your sweet nature, your great sense of humor, your great taste in music as well your apparent respect for his person he starts to wonder ďI really like this girl.Ē Now all of a sudden, Akua isnít just the girl next door you go buying kenkey and fish with on Saturday evenings. He begins to see things he never noticed. Now her lips look so much softer with lip gloss on; her new ear rings suit her heart-shaped face, and wait, has she lost some weight too?
But if this is always the case, it is truly exasperating for some young women like me who enjoy a simple fun loving, Ďbuddyingí time with members of the opposite sex.

I am sure many women would testify to this. You know, that awkward instance where a nice easy-going guy you speak to from time to time surprisingly tells you that he likes you very much and finds you incredibly attractive, leaving you at a total loss?

Yes people, we all know that nine out of ten women (my own intuitive statistics) have experienced this at least one time. Consequently most people have become skeptical about a close non-sexual friendship between men and women. Like I said before, the wooing is welcome but personally I realize that I begin to find it tragic when Iím faced with such a problem. How do you return to that comfortable companionship without completely ruining the relationship with a possible rejection?

There are those times when all a person wants is that CERTAINTY of friendship. The kind of friendship that grants a woman the opportunity to feel the genuine heart of a man, rest on his shoulders without any strings attached and smile beautifully at him without expecting a subsequent Ďemotional hauntí.

Men of course cannot always be blamed because sometimes they pick up on signals that may be misleading but I think they should look closer in determining when a woman needs the FRIEND in a man and not the LOVER in him.

For instance, there are times when a woman is going through a rough time with a relationship which is near collapse. Itís during that frustrating time that she starts to feel helplessly clueless about men that she needs the support of a man friend for interpretations and counsel.

In such cases she may not be thoroughly satisfied in complaining to her female friends about it and thus may turn to the boy-next door for some help or closure about her troubles. That in no way should be interpreted to mean that she is desperate for a relationship.

I think it is important for men to note that it isnít all women who will want to confide in another, their relationship troubles; nonetheless her association with you may provide not just some cheerful distraction but may also subliminally assist her in dealing with her own issues.

The point Iím trying to make, my fine brothers, is that, there are times, yes, we do notice your great looks, charming smile and the way you treat your mother but most of us women know that we stand to gain so much more from you, being friends than love partners; because we believe that male friends are relatively more genuine, tolerant and supportive of women. So why canít we JUST be friends??

Some might argue that this can be found in a relationship too; Indeed, yes, but here is the catch; you get to share that friendship of mutual affection without the duty-bound activities like: calling to check on each other in a three-hour interval just because you have to, stressing over that special thing you have to get on birthdays or valentinesí day, and the hardest part: constantly ensuring that you say the RIGHT things so you donít fight. What more can we ask for? Letís just be friends!

Admittedly, there are women who have lost their self-respect and self-worth probably after a series of emotionally and mentally abusive relationships and thus are of the view that most men will want her for her body and nothing more.

In most cases, such women yield easily to men, sexually, resigning to the fact that she will only be worth so much. Internally defeated women like that, fare no better at the hands of female friends who naturally gossip and eventually worsen things. (Iím a woman, trust me, I know, we can be very cruel). However it truly is amazing to see that same woman evolve positively when she BEFRIENDS a man who (more often than not) wonít judge or rebuke her faults and can easily accept her. Why would a man want to deny such a woman genuine friendship?

More men than women find it easier to accept things as they are with no hang ups or prejudices. This ultimately makes them better friends to have. How I wish they knew how precious that rare kind of friendship was; but it only gets sticky when they fall in love with you. If only we could remain friends!

My very last point, which is really more like a plea than anything else, is that, knowing how sensitive women are, we also need male friends just like how we need our husbands and boyfriends, only little differently. Our dear brothers, It doesnít mean you are the Ďunlabelledí sidekick, no, it means you are the emotional fix-it guy, a.k.a, our confidant and boy, that is more than enough. We certainly appreciate it.

We have been deprived of real male friends we can thoughtlessly unwind and confide in without worrying about getting things Ďtoo hotí. So please, my fellow men, believe us; when we say we want to be friends, we arenít always playing hard to get, we really want to be Friends!! So why canít we be friends?

Source: Kwakyewaa Owusu-Nyantakyi