View Full Version : A Man Who Plays Second Fiddle In Marriage..

19th March 2013, 03:57 PM
Leadership is very important in any social group. If marriage is the most important human investment, then leadership is an important indicator of the health of a marriage.

The Akans say if a royal does not fight, his subjects flee. Simply put, the survival of a marriage depends on the leader. The question is: Who must lead? Husband or wife?

When a man leads

A man is more logical and practical. He has greater strength and natural leadership qualities than a woman. He is born competitive and identifies himself by his competency and efficiency. It is also known that the greatest emotional need of a man is what he achieves to provide for his family.

A man, therefore, gets great fulfilment as he provides, protects and directs his family. He sees it as a sign of power and competence.

On the other hand, a man who has to play second fiddle in marriage loses his ego. A man without his ego is a living dead. Everything about him – work, friends and even his potency – may go down with him.

When a woman leads

A woman is more co-operative, conforming and adaptable than a man. She is focused and exerts greater effort to please others.

She finds it rewarding to give freely to others and keep everyone content. She also has intuition which helps her feel situations around her even when she can’t prove it.

The greatest emotional need of a woman is not leadership but the quality of her marriage. If her marriage is good, everything around her brightens up.

A woman, by nature, will not struggle to take over a marriage. Some, however, may because they think they are more knowledgeable and have better leadership qualities, especially when they have incompetent husbands.

Some take over because they are the bankrollers, while others do so because of their temperament. Cholerics, for example, are known to be active, pioneering and aggressive.

Who leads in marriage?

In every institution anyone, man or woman who is knowledgeable and has good leadership skills can be a leader. Marriage is, however, an exception because God is the author and has guidelines for marriage. The man is the head irrespective of his age, talent or wealth.

The woman must submit to the man. If you accept this condition of God, you may marry, otherwise stay away. If you go into marriage with your own rules, you behave like someone who plays football with hockey rules and fail.

If we talk of marriage, don’t go in with feminist ideas because marriage belongs to God. Man’s ideas about marriage fail. In 1971, Nany Lehmann came out with Declaration of Feminism, part of which read “we must work to destroy marriage, a necessary condition for the liberation of women.. we must encourage women to leave their husbands and not live individually with them”. This has failed because every woman loves a good marriage.

In my article entitled ‘when women take over relationships ‘ which was published on January 21, 2012, I did mention among others that a man must lead and woman must submit because there cannot be two leaders in a marriage.

Allow your man to make the final decisions. Accepting your man’s decisions is the most direct way to his heart. Show your man you need him. If you love your man allow him to be your leader.

My comments have not gone well with a women’s development group. In their reaction to my comments on http/www.pdaghana.com. the group said among others that …Mr Boakye’s opinions challenge women development .. such opinions can stifle ambition, power and competence of women.

Fact is nobody is against development of women. If women develop in any sphere of life, all human beings benefit. This is why Aggrey of Achimota School says ‘if you educate one woman you educate a whole nation’. It is for no reason that the whole world celebrates International Day of the Woman.

Submission does not stifle a woman’s development in any way because submission does not mean slavery. A wife remains an equal partner. Submission does not make her inferior to her husband. She remains free in her human dignity worth and personal conduct.

Submission is simply obedience to the authority of a husband to please God. A wife must be obedient to her husband to allow him play the role God has assigned him. A woman who does not submit to her husband does not submit to God because the husband is God’s representative in the marriage.

It takes love for a man to be a good leader. A good husband is a servant-leader who leads by the sacrifices he makes to his wife. It also takes love for a woman to submit to her man.

Both leadership and submission are about love. None is better than the other. If you play your roles well, and make mutual decisions, irrespective of who is leading or submitting, you will enjoy the amazing benefits of marriage.

The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre,West Legon. He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage’ and Love Unlimited.

Source: John Boakye - jydboakye@yahoo.com